Do humans always need to worry? Or is it just that I have an OCD which makes me worry..
Now that admits to colleges have started coming in, a new decision facing me is whether to stop at an MS, or continue working for a PhD. If only an MS, then take a job, rite? A job to recover the amount of money spent. Then after that? I want to be back to India again... When will that be? 2 years from now? 5 years from now? Or 10 years from now...
How long should one stay away from the ones he loves most in search of a more satisfying career? So eventually when I come back to India, how likely is getting a 'that' good a job in Pune? Or will it always be a compromise between a job you love, and the people you love??
As usual, for now, this decision should be pushed back till the last possible moment!
Showing posts with label teen thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teen thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Monday, 8 September 2008
Melancholi(ty/ness)
Its been ages since I posted. Haven't found a topic interesting enough recently, I guess. It seems getting into a retrospective/self effacing mode is when I feel like posting the most!
I have had a vague sense of longing for the past 3-4 days. Finally, was able to pinpoint it to being homesick! Its just been 4 days since I got back to Goa, but I already miss Pune. It is the most awesome place to grow up, changing with the times, from the rustic pensioner's paradise, to the busting IT hub of today, a place which makes you think twice about going out at the peak traffic hours.
It has given me the most awesome friends that one could possibly asked for - never will I again find a set of people whose thoughts are so compatible with mine. With whom I have grown up with, shared teenage pangs ( and an infinite number of coffees!).
Last time I was home, I had a walk around my apartment building. It gave me an awesome high. Reminded me of the wonderful childhood that it provided me. The cricket, the hide-n-seek, the evening discussions with people who were so close to me then, but who just drifted away with time, to an extent that now we have nothing to talk when we meet. The well on the backside, through the railings of which I peered in as a kid, throwing stones into it, to see the fish swim up to them, the N number of cricket balls we rescued from it. The water tank, which acted as a makeshift pavillion. I haven't been there for the Ganesh festival for the past four years, and wont be for the next few too. I could go on!
It reminds me of the Jagjit Singh ghazal:
Life will never again be so simple. So much fun! Now half the people have moved out of Pune, its all changed...
Still miss the place... :)
I have had a vague sense of longing for the past 3-4 days. Finally, was able to pinpoint it to being homesick! Its just been 4 days since I got back to Goa, but I already miss Pune. It is the most awesome place to grow up, changing with the times, from the rustic pensioner's paradise, to the busting IT hub of today, a place which makes you think twice about going out at the peak traffic hours.
It has given me the most awesome friends that one could possibly asked for - never will I again find a set of people whose thoughts are so compatible with mine. With whom I have grown up with, shared teenage pangs ( and an infinite number of coffees!).
Last time I was home, I had a walk around my apartment building. It gave me an awesome high. Reminded me of the wonderful childhood that it provided me. The cricket, the hide-n-seek, the evening discussions with people who were so close to me then, but who just drifted away with time, to an extent that now we have nothing to talk when we meet. The well on the backside, through the railings of which I peered in as a kid, throwing stones into it, to see the fish swim up to them, the N number of cricket balls we rescued from it. The water tank, which acted as a makeshift pavillion. I haven't been there for the Ganesh festival for the past four years, and wont be for the next few too. I could go on!
It reminds me of the Jagjit Singh ghazal:
Ye Daulat bhi lelo
Ye Shaurat bhi lelo
Bhale chin lo Mujhse ye meri Jawani
Magar lauta do Mujkho Wjo Bachpan ka Sawn
Who Kagaz ki Khashti Who Baris Ka paani
Life will never again be so simple. So much fun! Now half the people have moved out of Pune, its all changed...
Still miss the place... :)
Saturday, 12 July 2008
The zoo behind my room
Outside my window, there stands a great, big mango tree. It plays home to many birds and chipmunks. Ever since I was a kid I have been fascinated by the menagerie that sits on my window sill, fleeing as soon as I so as much look at them. Sometimes there is even a mongoose couple out there!
Mom puts out chapatis every morning since I remember, and I think the animals have got used to finding free food here. Bit like a tree which bears regular fruit! The chipmunks have grown quite plump I must say, and they must be feeling a bit disappointed if they do not find their breakfast out on the sill!
Today I did a bit of dilettante research. I managed to google the red-crested bulbul, the five-striped Indian squirrel, the bharadwaj (besides the house sparrow, and the common crow. :P)
Mom puts out chapatis every morning since I remember, and I think the animals have got used to finding free food here. Bit like a tree which bears regular fruit! The chipmunks have grown quite plump I must say, and they must be feeling a bit disappointed if they do not find their breakfast out on the sill!
Today I did a bit of dilettante research. I managed to google the red-crested bulbul, the five-striped Indian squirrel, the bharadwaj (besides the house sparrow, and the common crow. :P)
This one is the red-crested bulbul. Very beautiful!
The five-striped Indian squirrel. Not very uncommon, but I just love the way he nibbles with his tiny hands! Cute, ain't it? Mind you, I consider it to be the most agressive of the animals that come to my sill. Very timid against humans, but makes the poor birds run away. Legend has it that this small creature help Lord Rama help build the Sagar Setu (sea bridge) to Sri Lanka in its own tiny way. It used to roll-over in the beach sand, and go shake all of it onto the bridge! Lord Rama stroked it on the back in appreciation and ever since then it has had the stripes!
The bharadwaj (crow pheasant). Biggest of all birds here. To spot this bird is considered to be good luck in India. Ahem! It stays right in front of my window. Imagine all the luck I must have had over the years! Why doesn't someone show this to Harry Potter instead of making him drink Felix Felicis!
The five-striped Indian squirrel. Not very uncommon, but I just love the way he nibbles with his tiny hands! Cute, ain't it? Mind you, I consider it to be the most agressive of the animals that come to my sill. Very timid against humans, but makes the poor birds run away. Legend has it that this small creature help Lord Rama help build the Sagar Setu (sea bridge) to Sri Lanka in its own tiny way. It used to roll-over in the beach sand, and go shake all of it onto the bridge! Lord Rama stroked it on the back in appreciation and ever since then it has had the stripes!
The bharadwaj (crow pheasant). Biggest of all birds here. To spot this bird is considered to be good luck in India. Ahem! It stays right in front of my window. Imagine all the luck I must have had over the years! Why doesn't someone show this to Harry Potter instead of making him drink Felix Felicis!
"The bird is quite large around 48 cm. Its head and body are purple black, the wings are chestnut above and black below, and the long tail is dark green. The bird feeds on wide range of insects, caterpillars and small vertebrates. It occasionally eats other food items.The pictures here aren't mine. I will one day buy a very excellent camera. Till then, Google zindabad!
The call is that of most cuckoos is a simple repetition, in this case of a deep booming note."
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Disconnect & Darkness :-(
Last few days I feel a huge disconnect - between me and the world. I no longer relate to lots of things that I am supposed to- to things that would have hurt me, pained me, made me care about, made me think- even a year ago. I scoff at almost anything I see. TV shows, newspaper columns, advertisements... I can't relate to any of the stuff shown there. Agreed, most of it is junk, but still.
If that is not such a big deal then I can't relate to my friends either, it seems, they don't understand me either. Why blame them, things they discuss seem so trivial to me. Surely we shouldn't be wasting so much of our time on these topics. Discussions about relationships being an apt example.
In the past year, there have been only a handful of intellectually stimulating discussions with anyone at all. Although they have been fun, I seem to not want to argue with people most of the time. Everyone should form his or her opinions on their own. Arguing, discussing with others is a crutch that you need when you are unsure about yourself, when you need the approval of someone else to know that you are right.
As Ayn Rand put it, privacy and seclusion is a sign of human development. Since the world began, we have been moving from a herd mentality to living alone. So is this mental isolation yet another sign of progress?
I view most of the world in a disconnected way. Like I am removed from it, and that it cannot affect me. And even if it does, I don't care. I shall live through the pain.
Living up to my name I guess - 'Aniket' - it means unaffected, or one who is above worldly matters. :-)
Or maybe then again, I am just losing touch with reality. Going crazy...
If that is not such a big deal then I can't relate to my friends either, it seems, they don't understand me either. Why blame them, things they discuss seem so trivial to me. Surely we shouldn't be wasting so much of our time on these topics. Discussions about relationships being an apt example.
In the past year, there have been only a handful of intellectually stimulating discussions with anyone at all. Although they have been fun, I seem to not want to argue with people most of the time. Everyone should form his or her opinions on their own. Arguing, discussing with others is a crutch that you need when you are unsure about yourself, when you need the approval of someone else to know that you are right.
As Ayn Rand put it, privacy and seclusion is a sign of human development. Since the world began, we have been moving from a herd mentality to living alone. So is this mental isolation yet another sign of progress?
I view most of the world in a disconnected way. Like I am removed from it, and that it cannot affect me. And even if it does, I don't care. I shall live through the pain.
Living up to my name I guess - 'Aniket' - it means unaffected, or one who is above worldly matters. :-)
Or maybe then again, I am just losing touch with reality. Going crazy...
Monday, 31 March 2008
About 'second winds' and public urinals...
Have you ever noticed how we generally feel sleepy after dinner. Say around 10 30. Then once you get thru that drowsiness, you can stay awake till 2am effortlessly.
If you feel hungry and not eat, the hunger dies down. Then you feel hungry for a second time. This time its for real. This is when even Atish food is lovely!
Marathon runners are supposed to get a high while running. This is what pulls them through the whole race. This is the ‘runner’s high’
I wonder whether, when you are working, and feel very tired and still continue, do you get a second wind? I think so…
Why do we have this? Why aren't we biologically programmed to do whatever we are till it is no longer REALLY possible?
On a random note, is it totally pointless to wonder whether the distribution of people at public urinals is spatially Gaussian? :P
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
Indian Railways
I fail to understand how the man who fell on the tracks had such a bad experience. Right in the middle of the cuty, you fall and it takes you 1 hour to get treatment for a severed leg, its just too disturbing.
If Mumbai aims to be a global city, basic amenties like an ambulance at railway stations is a must.
Laloo, are you listening? Or just busy dolling out sops with the elections at hand...
If Mumbai aims to be a global city, basic amenties like an ambulance at railway stations is a must.
Laloo, are you listening? Or just busy dolling out sops with the elections at hand...
Saturday, 12 January 2008
God...
Recently had some thoughts about God (again!), and now I am wondering whether I am an atheist or not… The thought of someone being up there, willing to take the burden of your shoulders, is so comforting. That the weight of the world isn’t on your shoulders. Maybe that someone is luck, chance, probability, but it is still there. And putting your trust in that leaves you free to work carefree. Isn’t that the most important thing?
It isn't a conventional god, its my own, for my happiness!
It isn't a conventional god, its my own, for my happiness!
Thursday, 13 December 2007
Madhouse Rock
This morning was reading up for the Electronic Devices and Integrated Ckts (EDIC) exam. It was the last paper, and was in a bad mood. The subject is quite difficult, although interesting.
Point being- I saw these activities in the hostel:
1)People running ragged hither-tither, hair askew, like they are about to miss a train.
2)Somebody oscillating in corridors, holding a book to himself, muttering what seem to be obscenities under his breath (maybe he is cramming up formulae!)
3)People shouting, 4-at-a-time, discussing whether or not the IMPATT diode will bring about a lag of 179deg or 181deg!
4)Rock music playing so loud that the whole of BITS hears it.
5)Rock music playing so loud that the whole of BITS hears it.
6)Rock music playing so loud that the whole of BITS hears it.
7)KK shouting out 'Iin Dino", just for the fun of it, to irritate people.
8)Harried people, who have probably been up all night, responding with 'Ae's and asking him to shut up...
Doesn't the scene bear an eerie resemblance with a mental institution?
Point being- I saw these activities in the hostel:
1)People running ragged hither-tither, hair askew, like they are about to miss a train.
2)Somebody oscillating in corridors, holding a book to himself, muttering what seem to be obscenities under his breath (maybe he is cramming up formulae!)
3)People shouting, 4-at-a-time, discussing whether or not the IMPATT diode will bring about a lag of 179deg or 181deg!
4)Rock music playing so loud that the whole of BITS hears it.
5)Rock music playing so loud that the whole of BITS hears it.
6)Rock music playing so loud that the whole of BITS hears it.
7)KK shouting out 'Iin Dino", just for the fun of it, to irritate people.
8)Harried people, who have probably been up all night, responding with 'Ae's and asking him to shut up...
Doesn't the scene bear an eerie resemblance with a mental institution?
Saturday, 8 December 2007
Microelectronics
Just had my 4th paper.. Microelectronic Circuits. Its a beautiful subject. Its amazing how you can control devices at such small scales. The sad part is, you have to everything on your own. Faculty crunch hurts here the most. Not enough people is one reason, but what about those who are here? Shouldnt there be some quality control on teachers?
A big step in that direction needs to be evaluation of teachers by students, not the other way. Coz lots of times, I am more interested in learning than that guy is interested in teaching (or more likely, its the lack of ability on his part) :(
Anyway, got no paper for next two days. So peace...
A big step in that direction needs to be evaluation of teachers by students, not the other way. Coz lots of times, I am more interested in learning than that guy is interested in teaching (or more likely, its the lack of ability on his part) :(
Anyway, got no paper for next two days. So peace...
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Chennai... Its blacks and whites
1) Staying at Kalpakkam for the past month, I have visited Chennai atleast thrice.. Time n again, Chinmay’s words resonate in my mind: “This place is a pseudo-metro”. Its like a small town grown which has grown too big. It doesn’t have the metro culture. Other metros; Mumbai, Delhi or even Pune and Bangalore, have a distinctly western influence on the lifestyle of the junta. You see Baristas, McDonalds, Coffee Days and Pizza Huts and the like mushrooming around every street corner. Around Chennai you are still likely to see Adyar Anand Bhavan or some Udipi Restaurent.. All around is a distinct color of conservativism. You would be lucky to see a girl and a boy talking to each other at the street corner… Case in point: Two weeks back on my way to Bangalore, overheard this conversation between two ladies on the train:
(Lady 1 – In her early thirtees, among the type who wear jeans but only with an Indian top. Lady 2 – Pompous 50 year old who would consider love marriages nothing less than blasphemy. Topic : How Bangalore has changed)
L 1: I grew up in Bangalore and I have seen the city has changed a lot.. The IT industry has brought alongwith it very western influences.
L 2: I know. Now you see pubs n discos everywhere. It was never like that before.
L 1: When I was in colleges there would be no such thing. (C’mon lady maybe you didn’t know them, but surely they existed!)
L 2: Last time I was in Bangalore, I got the shock of my life.
L 1: What happened?
(Hold your breath… Such a huge thing happened.. Wait for it.. Now its coming.. You see.. the expectation is nerve jangling.. What a scandal…)
L 2: I had just woken up, and looking out of my balcony at 7 AM, I saw (C’mon I cant take it anymore) a girl and a boy, (What?? Were they doing it??) they were having tea together. (Phew??!!!!)
…Chennai isn’t still westernized. Its still very conservative at heart… Its interesting to see this direct contrast between Mumbai-Pune & Chennai-Bangalore. It makes you think what times would have been around 40 years earlier-even in urban areas…
2) Another thing worth noting is the Poster phenomena – All over TN you will see posters of politicians put every 100 metres on the road (Or is it 10!) Huge faces of Amma (Jayalalitha), Karunanidhi, MK Stalin(How could you name anyone like that??!!) staring down at you or smiling into the emptiness. A poster would be anything from around 6 feet high to a mindboggling 50 feet. I don’t know what they say (they are in Tamil), but below these figures which we generally know are smaller faces of local politicians, of every Tom, Dick n Harry who ever got into politics.. Geez.. The funniest part: When in Pondicherry, there was a poster- huge- of Stalins. Not 1, but 10.. Stalin at his graduation, Stalin as mayor, Stalin with a gold necklace. Infuriating… How do people bear with it? ( And how do these politicians themselves? After all, what happens to the posters after their use? Burnt off? Shredded.. Hehe..)
3) Last weekend Rajnikanth’s movie released. Sivaji- The Boss. All hell broke lose. The whole of South India went crazy to see their superstar. This guy seems to be a cross between Govinda and SRK. Apparently, he is a people’s actor – like Govinda, or Laxmikant Berde in Marathi- he charges rates higher than SRK. From what I hear he charged a cool 35cr for this film.. That’s more than half the film’s budget. But from the crowd pulling ability he has, the spending is totally justified from the producer’s POV. Again from hearsay, his movies aren’t even that good. Just common junta stuff.. I had thought that atleast in the south, where people are more educated, such mediocre stuff wouldn’t sell.. But then I guess, India is still just 60 year old. That’s just a kid in terms of nation-age. She has a long long way to go…
4) The only thing in Chennai that is metro-class (by that, I mean Indian metros, mind you) is public transport. The city’s bus system would be a great envy to Pune. Pune out to learn. Without going into numbers, I bet the public : private vehicle ratio is 5 times that of Pune. The buses aren’t exactly comfy or anything, but they RUN. They will be so crowded, that you cant even stand on the footboard… But still, they RUN… And they do that well… In the overpopulated cities of India, that is what is the order of the day.
(Lady 1 – In her early thirtees, among the type who wear jeans but only with an Indian top. Lady 2 – Pompous 50 year old who would consider love marriages nothing less than blasphemy. Topic : How Bangalore has changed)
L 1: I grew up in Bangalore and I have seen the city has changed a lot.. The IT industry has brought alongwith it very western influences.
L 2: I know. Now you see pubs n discos everywhere. It was never like that before.
L 1: When I was in colleges there would be no such thing. (C’mon lady maybe you didn’t know them, but surely they existed!)
L 2: Last time I was in Bangalore, I got the shock of my life.
L 1: What happened?
(Hold your breath… Such a huge thing happened.. Wait for it.. Now its coming.. You see.. the expectation is nerve jangling.. What a scandal…)
L 2: I had just woken up, and looking out of my balcony at 7 AM, I saw (C’mon I cant take it anymore) a girl and a boy, (What?? Were they doing it??) they were having tea together. (Phew??!!!!)
…Chennai isn’t still westernized. Its still very conservative at heart… Its interesting to see this direct contrast between Mumbai-Pune & Chennai-Bangalore. It makes you think what times would have been around 40 years earlier-even in urban areas…
2) Another thing worth noting is the Poster phenomena – All over TN you will see posters of politicians put every 100 metres on the road (Or is it 10!) Huge faces of Amma (Jayalalitha), Karunanidhi, MK Stalin(How could you name anyone like that??!!) staring down at you or smiling into the emptiness. A poster would be anything from around 6 feet high to a mindboggling 50 feet. I don’t know what they say (they are in Tamil), but below these figures which we generally know are smaller faces of local politicians, of every Tom, Dick n Harry who ever got into politics.. Geez.. The funniest part: When in Pondicherry, there was a poster- huge- of Stalins. Not 1, but 10.. Stalin at his graduation, Stalin as mayor, Stalin with a gold necklace. Infuriating… How do people bear with it? ( And how do these politicians themselves? After all, what happens to the posters after their use? Burnt off? Shredded.. Hehe..)
3) Last weekend Rajnikanth’s movie released. Sivaji- The Boss. All hell broke lose. The whole of South India went crazy to see their superstar. This guy seems to be a cross between Govinda and SRK. Apparently, he is a people’s actor – like Govinda, or Laxmikant Berde in Marathi- he charges rates higher than SRK. From what I hear he charged a cool 35cr for this film.. That’s more than half the film’s budget. But from the crowd pulling ability he has, the spending is totally justified from the producer’s POV. Again from hearsay, his movies aren’t even that good. Just common junta stuff.. I had thought that atleast in the south, where people are more educated, such mediocre stuff wouldn’t sell.. But then I guess, India is still just 60 year old. That’s just a kid in terms of nation-age. She has a long long way to go…
4) The only thing in Chennai that is metro-class (by that, I mean Indian metros, mind you) is public transport. The city’s bus system would be a great envy to Pune. Pune out to learn. Without going into numbers, I bet the public : private vehicle ratio is 5 times that of Pune. The buses aren’t exactly comfy or anything, but they RUN. They will be so crowded, that you cant even stand on the footboard… But still, they RUN… And they do that well… In the overpopulated cities of India, that is what is the order of the day.
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